::The Beginning of an End::

2008 udah ampir abis... tinggal 1 hari lagi.

pfiuuuhhh

in the beginning of this year, I wrote that this year would be start everything from scratch.
and indeed..

everything is start from a scratch. bahkan sampai nungging2 mengais beras.. haha
Mencoba untuk menjalankan usaha sendiri, bergabung dengan G&I, mengalami kerugian disana-sini, menghabiskan beberapa kilo otot hasil tempaan di gym, menghabiskan malam2 sendiri di depan komputer... wueleh bener-bener merangkak dari nol.

Pertengahan tahun mulai ada pencerahan. Setelah mendapat kesempatan untuk kerja kantoran lagi, dengan pemasukan yang sedikit lebih pasti, mulai deh jam biologis teratur lagi.
Begitu juga dengan 'love life'. Setelah ada satu makhluk yang katanya 'manies, lucu dan menggemaskan' itu masuk dalam hidupku. Rasanya dunia mulai berputar normal lagi.
Tapi gak berapa lama, mulai deh kehidupan jungkir balik lagi, nungging2 lagi. Kali ini dalam artian yang sebenarnya. Lower Back injury. Luka lama yang kambuh lagi...
Sempet gak ngantor berhari-hari. Sering bolong-bolong dalam seminggu. Jadi sering marah-marah gak jelas kalo lagi jalan. Jadi berasa gak mampu menjalankan tugas dan fungsi sebagai manusia, sebagai pacar, sebagai teman, sebagai karyawan, sebagai anak, sebagai pelayan Tuhan. dooooohhh... mello bener.

Akhirnya udah sampe akhir tahun. Dan sakit ini masih nempel aja. Belum bosen rupanya dia. tapi yah, what the hell... ntar juga pergi. Sana-sana... jauh jauh..

Anyway, 2008 ini bener-bener sangat-sangat berwarna...
Hihih.. banyak lah bersyukur buat pengajaranNya
dan aku tetap merasa Dia sayangi..

::I Believe in You::

I Believe in You (Je Crois En Toi)
Il Divo feat. Celine Dion

Lonely
The path you have chosen
A restless road
No turning back
One day you
Will find your light again
Don't you know
Don't let go
Be strong

Follow you heart
Let you love lead through the darkness
Back to a place you once knew
I believe, I believe, I believe
In you

Follow your dreams
Be yourself, an angel of kindness
There's nothing that you can not do
I believe, I believe, I believe
In you.

Tout seul
Tu t'en iras tout seul
Coeur ouvert
A L'univers
Poursuis ta quete
Sans regarder derriere
N'attends pas
Que le jour
Se leve

Suis ton etoile
Va jusqu'ou ton reve t'emporte
Un jour tu le toucheras
Si tu crois si tu crois si tu crois
En toi
Suis la lumiere
N'eteins pas la flamme que tu portes
Au fonds de toi souviens-toi
Que je crois que je crois que je crois
Que je crois
En toi

Someday I'll find you
Someday you'll find me too
And when I hold you close
I'll know that is true

Follow your heart
Let you love lead through the darkness
Back to a place you once knew
I believe, I believe, I believe in you

Follow your dreams
Be yourself, an angel of kindness
There's nothing that you can not do
I believe, I believe, I believe
In you.

Download Here !!

::hahaha::

Right now maybe I'm just want to laugh at my self...
like I always do
with a bitter laugh this time
don't know what to do

this pain that I've been feeling is really took my patience
it's f**kng to loongg...
I'm just too tired to hear other's 'sympathy' that for my ear is like judging me for not doing nothing about this pain.
They're just suggesting here and there... while I'm still holding to what that I feel works for me. Even I don't know if I can hold this treatment any longer.
I'm loosing my hope again.

and here i am..
back to You again, Lord.
the One that I left behind...
I'm already turn my back on You
even in this darkest time in my life... even when my heart keep telling me that You're the only Light... n still here I am, complaining, mumbling, regreting, feeling shame, afraid...

Show me way back in to your arms again...
ignore all of my pain
and being one with you
My One and only...




**I know You there... smile ...

::Any Other Fools:

Any Other Fools
Patti Austin & Sadao Watanabe

I couldn't see paradise right before my eyes
And when I had you here by my side
I didn't know that no one else could ever take your place
But now I know
I know that I should have stayed
And seeing you tonight
I only wonder why
I ever said goodbye

Any other fool would never walk away
Even a fool would still be there holding you
Any other fool would know I never should have let you go
I had it all as any fool could see
Any other fool but me

Any one else never would have let the feeling die
Any one else would have fought to keep it alive
If they were in my shoes
They'd know the love we had was love too good to lose

Any other fool would never walk away
Even a fool would still be there holding you
Any other fool would know I never should have let you go
I had it all when you were loving me
I had it all as any fool could see
Any other fool but me

I had it all when you were loving me (had all the love I ever need)
I had it all as any fool could see (any other fool but me)

Any other fool would never walk away (any other fool)
Even a fool would still be there holding you
Any other fool would know I never should have let you go
I had it all as any fool could see
Any other fool but me

Any other fool but me

Even a fool would still be there holding you
Any other fool would know I never should have let you go
I had it all as any fool could see
Any other fool but me


Download Here!!

::One::

One
Original Soundtrack RF Online

When, I saw you for the first time
I knew you were the one.
You didn't say a word to me.
But love, was in the air.

Then you held my hand
Pulled me into your world
From then on my life
Has changed for me

Now I'll never feel lonely again
Coz you are in my life...

Love...
How can I explain to you
The way I feel inside when I think of you..
I thank you for everything that you showed me.
Don't you ever forget that I love you.

Love, I know that someday real soon
You'll be right next to me.
Holding me so tight.
So I will always be yours.
Although we can't be together now.
Remember I am here for you.

And I know you're there for me.
Whenever I want to be with you
I just close my eyes and pretend you're near
I see you, I touch you, I feel you, like real

Nothing can ever change what I feel inside.

How long must I be far away from you?
I don't know dear, but I know we are One...

Download Here!!

::Bukan Lagu Cinta::

Bukan Lagu Cinta
Marcell feat. Karen Pooroe

Jika Ada Cara Baru Tuk Mengungkap Rasa Rindu
Aku Ingin Tahu...Aku Ingin Tahu
Jika Ada Cara Yang Belum Di Cipta Untuk Cinta
Aku Ingin Bisa...Aku Ingin Bisa

Saat Semua Kata Kehilangan Makna
Saat Segala Upaya Terasa Hampa
Sekaranglah Itu Beginilah Aku
Berdiam Tanpa Daya Hanya Karena Kehadiranmu
Sementara Jiwaku Ingin Berseru
Setengah Mati Ingin Ku Bilang

Jika Ada Nada Baru Tuk Nyanyikan Aku Cinta
Aku Kan Bernyanyi...Aku Kan Bernyanyi
Jika Ada Kata Yang Belum Di Cipta Oleh Pujangga
Aku Kan Bersuara...Aku Kan Bersuara

Saat Semua Resah Meluluh Sayapnya
Saat Yang Kumiliki Hanya Nafas Ini
Sekarang Lah Itu Beginilah Aku
Hanya Detak Jantungku Yang Mampu Jujur Kepadamu
Sementara Lidahku Beku Dan Keluh
Setengah Mati Ku Ingin Menghilang

Ooo...Ooo...

Jika Mampu Ku Bawa Engkau Menembus Ruang Dan Waktu
Ku Ingin Pergi...Percuma Disini
Jika Mampu Ku Menyatu Dalam Darahmu
Agar Engkau Tahu...Agar Engkau Tahu

Saat Semua Kata Kehilangan Makna
Saat Segala Upaya Terasa Hampa
Sekaranglah Itu Beginilah Aku
Berdiam Tanpa Daya Hanya Karena Kehadiranmu
Sementara Lidahku Beku Dan Kelu
Setengah Mati Ingin Menghilang

Apa Yang Kurasakan
Apa Yang Kau Dengarkan
Bukan Lagu Cinta
Bukan Lagu Cinta

Apa Yang Kurasakan
Apa Yang Kau Dengarkan
Bukan Lagu Cinta
Bukan Lagu Cinta

Semua Lagu Cinta

Bukan Lagu Cinta

Download Here !!

::Wish On My Star::

Wish On My Star
Jeff Shimabukuro feat. Jennifer Perry

I wouldn't change a thing about you
I wouldn't ask the green to be blue
I wouldn't ask the birds not to fly,
or change a thing in the sky, or turn hello to good-bye...

I wouldn't ask the birds not to sing
I wouldn't ask the phone not to ring
I just couldn't ask the wind not to blow,
or a boat not to row, or a trees all to go sorrow...

You are amazing just as you are
You are a flower in the spring,
and you lay in morning breeze
And I adore you, just the way you are.
You are not the star that I wish on
You are the wish on my star...

Download Here!!

::I Do Cherish You::

I Do Cherish You
98 Degrees

All I am, all I'll be
Everything in this world
All that I'll ever need
Is in your eyes
Shining at me
When you smile I can feel
All my passion unfolding
Your hand brushes mine
And a thousand sensations
Seduce me 'cause I

Chorus
I do cherish you
For the rest of my life
You don't have to think twice
I will love you still
From the depths of my soul
It's beyond my control
I've waited so long to say this to you
If you're asking do I love you this much
I do

In my world, before you
I lived outside my emotions
Didn't know where I was going
'Till that day I found you
How you opened my life
To a new paradise
In a world torn by change
Still with all my heart
'Till my dying day

Chorus

Download Here!!

::I Say A Little Prayer::

I Say A Little Prayer
Aretha Franklin

The moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little prayer for you
While combing my hair, now,
And wondering what dress to wear, now,
I say a little prayer for you

Forever, forever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, forever, we never will part
Oh, how I'll love you
Together, together, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only be heartbreak for me.

I run for the bus, dear,
While riding I think of us, dear,
I say a little prayer for you.
At work I just take time
And all through my coffee break-time,
I say a little prayer for you.

Forever, forever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, forever we never will part
Oh, how I'll love you
Together, together, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only be heartbreak for me.

My darling believe me,
For me there is no one
But you.

Download Here!!

::Free MP3::

Just upload some MP3 files..
Feel free to download - will continue update...

Mama - Il Divo

[Verse 1]
Mama thank you for who I am
Thank you for all the
things I'm not
Forgive me for the words unsaid
For the times
I forgot

[Verse 2]
Mama remember all my life
You showed me love,You sacrificed
Think of those young and early days
How I've changed
along the way

[Bridge]
And I know you believed
And I know you had dreams
And I'm sorry it took all
this time to see
That I am where I am
because of your truth
and I miss you, I miss you

[Verse 3]
Mama forgive the times you cried
Forgive me for not making right
All of the storms I may have caused
And I've been wrong
Dry your eyes.. dry your eyes

[Bridge]

[Verse 4]
Mama I hope this makes you smile
I hope you're happy with my life
At peace with every choice I made
How I've changed
Along the way... along the way
And I know you believed
in all of my dreams
And I owe it all to you, Mama

Download Here!!

::many things to catch up::

it's been a while... since i share story here.. hehe
a decade propably..

many things happened.
well, where should i start?

ehmm..
oh yah.. waktu itu aku sedang terpuruk...
terus kuputuskan untuk menggunakan waktu-waktu yg 'terkelam' itu untuk lebih melayani Tuhan.
Aku memutuskan untuk mengikuti 'coaching' sebagai Team Youth Choice. Banyak hal-hal baru yang mengaduk-aduk memori masa kecil, kepahitan dan topeng-topeng...
hmm masih banyak lost memory yg perlu digali..

I've got a girlfriend.
namanya Anaz..
anak Choice jg..
kami baru mulai deket berawal dari chat2 via YM, berlanjut dgn acara2 bareng Choice-PP. akhirnya jadian deh... haha

Skrg aku sakit..
sakit pinggang sampai nungging..
belum tau penyebabnya apa.. tp yang pasti karena ada saraf kejepit
udah habis duit lumayan banyak..
jadi berasa bahwa setiap rejeki yang dikasih Tuhan kok yah cepet juga keluarnya..
apa emang aku kurang beramal selama ini??
(perlu perenungan).

hmm.. itu dulu deh..

::Smoker::

I hate smoker...

That's why now I smoke..

pfiuuuhhhh

I know it's not the answer of anything..
I know it can't blow my pain away..
I know ... just know..

::Janji Pada Dunia::

Ketika ku buta, ku melihat satu cahaya dari surga
Ketika ku tuli, ku mendengar satu untaian kata-kata
Ketika ku tertutup, ku mendapat satu kunci tuk membuka
Ketika ku kesepian, ku mendapat kesejukkan dari dunia

Katakan padaku bahwa dunia tidaklah sempit untuk semua
Katakan padaku bahwa kita adalah satu tanpa beda
Katakan padaku bahwa kita dibutuhkan oleh dunia
Katakan padaku bahwa kita tak tergantikan

Kuberi pengabdian pada dunia selamanya tanpa balas
Kuberi perasaan pada makhluk tanpa memilih
Kuberi yang terbaik pada anugerah yang diberikan oleh Tuhan
Kuberi keyakinan pada kehidupan sampai kapan pun

Kuberi sumpah ku pada dunia suatu janji dalam hati
Katakan padaku bahwa kita saling cinta...


::Found this lyric in my Asia Works' old files... bring back the memories. Good time..

::History Repeat::

Why there's something happened twice in your life?? same situation, same feeling, same bitter.

God, help me..
Don't let me fall off your way.
Keep me in your light forever.
Give me strength to carry on.

Just feeling so stupid.. dumb..
but I know there's always a beatiful plan above all this.

arghh..
I know someday I am just gonna laugh about all this..
If I can say something like this to my friend.. I should can say it to myself.

::Kebangkitan dan Keterpurukan::

Hari ini adalah hari diangkatnya Yesus ke Surga dengan segala kemulian-Nya.

Hari ini adalah hari jatuhnya diriku ke lubang-lubang yang sudah kulihat dan pernah kusumpahi untuk tidak masuk lagi.
Haruskah kusalahkan lagi sisi manusia-ku? sisi duniawi-ku?
seperti yang biasa aku lakukan?

and the story repeat itself
dan sekarang aku sudah didalam lubang itu lagi. menyesali kenapa melangkah masuk dalam lubang yang sama. melihat kembali setiap janji yang pernah terucap. melihat kembali setiap rencana yang pernah terpikir untuk menghindari jalur ini. dan melihat kembali betapa mulusnya aku masuk dan terjun bebas dalam lubang ini.

I'm just miss the old days..
When I felt Your presence..
Felt You hugged me so tighlty..
maybe now You still do..
and I just can't feel it.
Lead me back to You..
**I want to be at that retreat.. give me Your way..

::numb::

i am just sooo f**kn' weak ....

.:shadow:.

silent. self being person. little bit clumsy.
simple appearance. tall. skinny. dark.
simple. very simple.
nothing much to say or see.
people look and then forget...
they underestimated.
they don't care.
they don't bother.

He just a shadow.
he is a shadow.
love being a shadow.
under everyone else.
playing safe.

every shadow exist
with light on the other side.
every light make shadows
shadows make the life realistic

deep down this blurry grey heart
there's a tiny little sparkling dream
about everything in vice versa.
what if.. what if.. and what if...
what if the shadow become the light?
what would it be with the light?
is it become the shadow?

that's why I love Clark Kent.. playing shadow under everyone else.
and carrying the light under.



what if I have that kind of light..
can I still be the shadow?
and now I'm already a shadow
why would I want to be the light?

maybe my part is just being a shadow...
that make other become more real
make other to feel their light.
and I will find another shadow
that see me as their light.

::2008::

2008 is all about starting from a scratch..
but I'll be more optimist this year, and let's see what I can accomplish this year.

2007 is a colorfull year. Many many moments, activity, friends, memories.. it's fun
And this year will be extraordinary...

Yiiihaaaaa