all i wanna do ...

::12.04.10::

2010-04-14T08:24:00.004+07:00

thank you

for

saying

i do

12.04.10

::Terang::

2009-12-29T08:26:00.004+07:00

Jadilah terang jangan ditempat yang terang
Jadilah terang di tempat yang gelap

Jadilah jawaban jangan hanya kau diam
Jadilah jawaban diluar rumahmu

Oooooo… jadilah jawaban
Oooooo… jadilah terang

Jadilah garam jangan ditengah lautan
Jadilah harapan jangan hanya berharap
Jadilah jawaban jangan hanya ucapan
Jadilah jawaban jangan tambahkan beban

Kedamaian yang kita inginkan
Hanya ada bila hati kita bersama

-Merry Christmas-

::Lyrics by Glenn Fredly-Terang::

tigaenam ke tiga

2009-12-16T13:30:00.004+07:00

suka senyum itu
seakan ada penghargaan dari kamu
mungkin kamu emang senyum buat siapa aja
tapi aku sih maunya egois dan senyum itu khusus buat aku

suka senyum itu
dari tigaenam ke tiga
kayaknya udah gak perlu ada definisi tentang surga
kotak besi itu seperti kapsul waktu yang aku harap gak akan maju

senyum itu
jadi inget seseorang
pinter, cerdas, independen, hmm aku gak tau lagi gimana bilangnya
tapi yang pasti bikin nyaman.... banget

senyum itu
pingin punya senyum kayak itu
sekarang aku juga lagi senyum-senyum sendiri
sambil membayangkan senyumku udah sama belum ya
senyumku udah bisa bikin orang ke surga?

tigaenam ke tiga
cuma itu waktuku untuk menikmatimu
tigaenam ke tiga
surga di dunia

::X-mas wish list::

2009-11-25T08:44:00.003+07:00

dear Santa

want.want.want

i've been a good boy this year
am i ?
.
.
.
hahahahaha

::wait::

2009-10-28T10:03:00.003+07:00

i think i'm wait
.
.
.
.
or am i already know the sign?
and still don't want to realize it??
.
.
.
.
but still
i'm wait

::disaat bengong::

2009-10-27T17:12:00.000+07:00

menemaniku disaat ngantuk
disaat bengong
...

::wish::

2009-10-24T00:19:00.004+07:00

if only i granted one wish...
.
.
.
.
.
and it's repeating in my mind
what I'm about to say..
if 'someone' ask me
what is that wish

the 'right' someone
that 'one'
:)

::amazed::

2009-10-12T20:38:00.004+07:00

You make me amazed day by day..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

oh no
not again?

::pray::

2009-07-22T09:26:00.002+07:00

when life
knocks you down
on your knees
.
.
.
.
.
.
it's a perfect position
to pray

::from the bottom of my heart::

2009-07-22T08:46:00.004+07:00

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

and for you
this heart
has
no
bottom

Thank You

for let me know
your feeling

::something BIG::

2009-06-21T00:12:00.003+07:00

i'm preparing for something BIG..
something that i should do along time ago
now it's time to do it rather than just talk and dream

i must prove it
to my self
to people around me
so help me God

everything i do is to worship You..
in my way
and i hope it's Your way too...
let me learn and give You everything that You already lent to me

**that angel is a clue...

::illusion::

2009-06-19T10:08:00.001+07:00

kulihat
awan
membentuk
wajahmu
.
.
.
.
.
.

::jingga::

2009-06-18T22:03:00.003+07:00

teruslah berjalan
teruslah melangkah
batas dua dunia ini terlalu indah untuk ditinggalkan
menyantap jingga di langit

dan kau sudah menatap bulan dan merengkuhnya
untuk segera berganti pagi

teruslah berjalan... berlari mungkin...
suatu saat akan kulihat engkau
terbang dan bergabung dengan jingga di langit yang kukagumi

dan kau akan selalu menjadi jinggaku...

*inspired by Dee's "Aku Ada"

::Numb::

2009-06-07T01:28:00.004+07:00

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control?

Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

~

::ride with me::

2009-05-13T08:48:00.004+07:00

you wanna run
i wanna walk a round

you keep your focus
i keep distract by flowers

for you everything is about result
for me every process is the result

you run 10 laps an hour
i can make it 5 with extra time
.
.
.
.
.
can we ride together???
how about rent a 'bajaj' and together we cruise the city??

even in this you must be prefer rent a 'taxi'..... wakakakakaka

::you are the one::

2009-05-13T08:21:00.003+07:00

Sometimes I sit and I wonder
And i just can't seem to believe
What a blessing it's been to be loved
You're an angel sent to me

You're the star who lights up my sky
You're the one who made me see
That you don't need wings to fly
Your love has set me free

Cause you are the one who makes me whole
In my heart and in my soul
And just like the sun you showed my the light
I'm amazed that you're the reason why

Before you I was so blind
I didn't know which path to choose
You poured all of this love in my heart
And that is no way that I can lose

And when I have no faith in myself
You're the one who makes me strong
I wouldn't have a story to tell
Or an ending to my song

Cause you are the one who makes me whole
In my heart and in my soul
And just like the sun you showed my the light
I'm amazed and you're the reason why

This kinda music and lyrics is soooo me... even for some people it's so pathetic, stupid, hopeless...
Ok, it may be silly but for a song, it just made to be enjoyed. Feel the rhtym and lyrics at the moment.
I'm just surprised there's people out there who can make an analysis about the lyrics... hahahahaha... yeah.. you know who..

*performed by Elliot Yamin

: dimsum madness :

2009-05-11T17:05:00.004+07:00

Sabtu kemaren baru ngerasain tuh namanya Dimsum Madness...
Berawal dari Naz n Ellen yg kasih surprise birthday ke Lia dgn ngajakin Spa dll di Martha Tilaar Kemayoran berbarengan dengan paket merridnya Ellen. So, after girls day out, mereka terus ngajakin buat sekalian makan dimsum di Furama-Jl. Hayam Wuruk situ.

Benny (misoanya Lia) dan aku terus dikontak buat gabung bareng. Akhirnya kita berlima makan disitu. Ada paket all you can eat dimsum. Per-orang sekitar 58.800++. Tapi semua makanan yg sudah dipesan harus habis. Kalo gak ada charge tambahan.
Berhubung mereka pada belum makan dari pagi maka mulailah tuh order menu2 yang 'ga manusiawi'.
Total ada 15 menu yang dipesan, masing2 3-4 porsi bahkan ada yg 5.
Total porsi ternyata ada.... 45 buah kurang lebih 145 pieces.

Menu pertama keluar.. Hakaw.... yummy. Udangnya mantap.. besar2.. langsung tandas.
Menu kedua dateng.. lanjut ketiga.. empat.. lama2 itu meja jadi penuh.
Mulai lirik2an satu sama lain.. ini tadi yang pesen sapa yah??

Perut cuman 5 dengan makanan yg luber kayak gini??
Akhirnya kita terpaksa melibatkan pihak ke-6. Tasnya Ellen jadi korban. Naz dengan sigap dengan pengawasan penuh dari Ellen dan Lia, mulai menyelundupkan beberapa potong ke dalam tas. Gak tau tuh jadinya berapa yg bisa di masukin.

Dan the last meal is Bakso apaan gitu.. bentuknya aneh krn dia digoreng dengan dibungkus kayak bakmi2 gitu. dan gak tanggung2 kami udah pesen 5 porsi. 1 porsi isi 3. huahahaha..
dan jelas ga mungkin menu ini buat dimasukin tas, karena modelnya yang ada bakmi2 kayak rambut gitu ribet banget.
Akhirnya setelah dicukur abis itu 'rambut2' kita telen jg. huehehehe....

Secara rasa menu disini sebenarnya enak lho.. udangnya mantap. atmosfernya juga enak. Chinese banget sih... lagu2nya chinese semua. Modern chinese gitu dah..
Tapi ya itu... kalo pesen yah secukupnya ajalah.. jgn ampe luber2 gitu. Karena menu2 yang terakhir jadi ga berasa lagi.. jadi asal telen doang.

Anyway thanks buat Lia untuk lunch-nya... Happy Birthday!!!

:: days @ works ::

2009-04-29T13:06:00.001+07:00

Great view.. Center of the city.. Many leisure..

What a dreamed working place.

::myasthenia gravis::

2009-04-24T09:47:00.002+07:00

udah seminggu ini aku melihat dunia seperti yang digambar itu...
semua jadi dua.. gak nyatu lagi..
Setelah test darah dan Harvey Masland diketahuilah, diagnosis awal dari Dokter mata di JEC bahwa ini tanda2 Myasthenia Gravis.

Definisi

Suatu penyakit neuromuskuler otoimun yang ditandai kelemahan otot skeletal.
Suatu bentuk neuromuscular junction disorder yang paling umum, dan merupakan acquired (diperoleh), predominantly antibody-mediated autoimmune disease.
Kelemahan umum dan disfungsi otot-otot, yang disebabkan oleh defective conduction pada the motor end plates.

Untungnya ini masih tahap I: Myasthenia okular.
Hanya menyerang otot-otot okular (mata), disertai ptosis dan diplopia. Sangat ringan, tidak ada kematian.
(Sumber:Kabar Indonesia)

Well, sangat ringan tapi udah sangat mengganggu. Ngeliat semuanya jadi dobel gitu, jadi gak berani bawa motor dulu, secara kalo liat jalan jadi ada dua.. haha.

Dan ceritanya, Mami tersayang di Jogja mulai merasa nih ada sesuatu yg gak beres dgn anaknya. Karena sakitnya ini kan beruntun, kemaren abis kelar sakit pinggang skrng kok kena sakit aneh ini jg. Maka mulailah Mami mencari-cari tahu apa gerangan yg sedang terjadi.
Bertanyalah beliau ke 'orang-orang pinter' di Jogja.

Pertama dia ke seorang bruder (ga tau tuh orang masih bruder apa jebolan bruder).
Dari orang ini, Mami suruh kasih aku minum air dari Gereja Ganjuran (itu adanya di Bantul-Jogja sana). Air itu musti didoain Novena Kerahiman dulu ama Mami. Dan gak tanggung2 Mami sampe bawain 1 galon ke Jakarta. Ckckck.. sampe segitunya yah?? Makanya dia kemaren naek travel. Terus air itu musti aku minum 3x sehari. Selain itu, aku musti doa Bapa Kami 40x tiap malem jam 11. sebenarnya ada pilihan jamnya sih 9, 11 apa jam 1. Aneh bener....

Terus yang kedua..
Mami masih nanya ke orang 1 lagi, kayaknya ini orang aliran kejawen.. (tau gak??)
Dari orang ini, Mami dapat info kalo sakitnya aku tuh karena ada orang kantor yg sirik atau kurang kerjaan gitu. Pakai ilmu2 Banten katanya.. hiiii
Terus dari orang ini, dikasih air putih buat basuh muka tiap malam sblm doa. Oya satu lagi, orang ini jg sampe bawain 'jimat' kecil gitu. gak tau isinya apaan, dibungkus kain putih gitu katanya buat perlindungan.. halahh..

nah ini nih dilemanya..
Secara sebenarnya aku gak mau percaya hal2 yg klenik2 gitu, karena aku sudah mencoba untuk cuma percaya ama kuasa Tuhan, dan sekarang Mami tercinta dgn penuh perhatian dan harapan supaya anaknya cepet sembuh memberikan alternatif pengobatan kayak gini...
What should I do??

Kalo yg doa Bapa Kami sih oke aja.. aku doa itu untuk persembahan buat Tuhan.
Kalo yg minum air itu aku anggap sebagai media dari Tuhan buat nyembuhin.
Nah kalo yg jimat itu, kayaknya aku musti bener2 lepasin deh.

Tadi email ama Naz chayank, dan dia bilang mungkin ini cara Tuhan buat liat seberapa berserahnya aku sama Dia. Seberapa percayanya aku ama kekuatan Tuhan. Emang kemaren2 ini aku berasa kendor dalam doa, berasa jauh dan kering. Dan mungkin memang ini cara Dia buat panggil aku lagi.. pfiuuuhh.

Yes God, here I am... your naughty boy.
Trying to be back to You again...
after playing around and sometime questioning where You're..

I'm back

::tigatiga::

2009-03-22T11:04:00.005+07:00

kata Wikipedia..
33 adalah angka yang melambangkan kebenaran
33 adalah angka ketika Yesus menjawab panggilan BapaNya
33 adalah angka kembar yang saling melengkapi

bagiku 33 hanyalah angka...
begitu juga untuk umur, hanyalah angka
melihat ke belakang dan semakin jauh terlihat titik awal kehidupanku

bagiku sekarang hidup adalah mengumpulkan "postcards from heaven". Tuhan selalu mengirimkan padaku gambar2 indah dari surga...
biar aku selalu ingat bahwa Bapa di surga selalu mengasihi dan merindukanku.. hihihi..

*got two cake in a day... huhuhu terharuu...

in my middle...

2009-03-06T21:16:00.001+07:00

Malam ini aku coba untuk duduk dan melihat. Pemandangan Jakarta di malam hari dr balkon ini adalah menakjubkan. Angin semilir cenderung kencang dan dingin. Suara kepakan bendera2 partai terdengar makin kencang seolah musik di malam ini,dipadu suara kapal terbang yg lewat dan ketokan tukang nasi goreng di bawah.

Someday I will miss this.

Tp kapan? Kapan aku bisa keluar dr kost ini dan mempunyai rumah sendiri di jakarta ini? Sudah 8 thn aku mengembara di kota ini.
Malu, takut, kecewa.. Seakan menghantui malam2ku. Dan berharap mendapat hadiah undian sbg 'perfect answer' buat semua ini. Hahaha.. Wake up dude!

Almost my bday already. Another number added.
Nomer kembar saat ini. Angka dimana Yesus menjawab tugasnya kepada Bapa. Angka dimana banyak teman seangkatan yg sdh menimang hasil benihnya, bahkan udah 2. And here I am. Still..
Bisa ga tahun ini aku bangkit dan jadi pemenang? Ato sebenarnya aku cuma perlu bangun dan menyadari kl aku udah menang dan cuma perlu bertindak sbg pemenang?

--
Benedict D. Santoso

Keraguan yang Terjawab >> KlikRupiah

2009-02-28T12:39:00.001+07:00

Waktu awal mencoba ikutan KlikRupiah masih dengan perasaan PGP (percaya Gak Percaya). Apalagi waktu ditanya ama temen2 tentang kebenaran usaha ini. "Emang bisa dapat duit cuman ceklak-ceklik depan komputer?? Emang duitnya ntar dibayarin??". Dan segala macam pertanyaan meragukan lainnya.

Well, awalnya aku juga ragu dan tidak bisa menjawab pertanyaan tersebut, lha wong aku juga belum punya bukti yang otentik dari KlikRupiah. Jadilah aku cuma menjalani usaha ini dengan diem2. Malu juga kalo ternyata kekuatiran mereka terbukti.

Dan akhirnya dengan semangat untuk membuktikan bahwa mereka salah, maka begitu mencapai nilai minimum untuk Pay Out (yaitu 50rb) langsung saja aku klik minta pembayaran.

Dan inilah hasilnya saudara-saudara...

Jadi bagaimana saudara2, teman2, handai taulan....
sudah terbukti kan?? Kalau KlikRupiah ternyata benar2 membayar usaha Anda.
Cukup duduk dan ceklik2 depan komputer, Anda bisa dapet duitttt.....

Tunggu apalagi???
Dari yang dulunya PGP sekarang jadi PBD (Percaya Banget Deh!!!) hahahaha....

::The Year of The Ox::

2009-01-26T23:25:00.006+07:00

Today is the first day of Chinese New Year.. the Year of the Ox.
And like past years, there's always rain from early morning. But this year was not so bad than the last 2 years that accompanied with flood.

Prediction from some paranormals say that the rain will come after New Year not like in the last years. So lets just cross fingers and pray that flood will not come in this city again. (at least not at my dorm area).

Today we were planning to meet and hang out again.
And we start it with lunch at Vietnamese Resto called "Pho" at Muara Karang, Pluit.
There were 6 of us, Naz-Ben-Tina-Vivi-Mels-me.

After a long conversation about where we wanna go after. then we moved to Mega Mall Pluit for some cold drinks at A&W. And some signature reading by Vivi, since she's work as HRD. Well, there's some coincidentally things that match. We were being such distrubers at that resto.. hahaha.. well what the heck? is it??

After that we drop Mels and Vivi back to their Apartment and we moved back to Grogol and decided to have dinner at FoodCourt.

The dinner was so-so lah... there's nothing special.

But the fun was at the end...

Yes, we were playing FoosBall !!!
Haha, I admit it is my first time playing this game. i thought it was just a simple game. Twisting and shovel sticks try to make score.

But at the end we all sweat like we've been exercise or something..

And the winner is..... Boys !!!

hahaha... boys will be boys... can't separate them from toys...

::Taman Prasasti::

2009-01-25T23:18:00.007+07:00

Taman Prasasti sering dipakai untuk pengambilan video klip atau foto-foto karena mempunyai figur-figur dari nisan Belanda.
Me - Naz - Ben - Tina were going to take some photoshot there.
When we arrived there, it's already pass the open hour. Then we ask to the security if we can take a look at the park for a while. Fortunately he allowed us to take some photograph there.
It was already 4 PM and we're the only 4 guys who walk around in that ex-tomb.
It's kinda spooky though... but we believe, actually I who convinced them, that there are no more bodies in that ground. Even I'm not so sure about that.. haha.

Well, we took a lot of picture with the background of some angel statue and some relic.

We even take some silly picture ...

That was fun session, like we always did... even we're bug with some little vampire hihihi...
bentol2 deh..

More picture at my Facebook!

::Hayo Demo!!!::

2009-01-23T14:28:00.004+07:00

Hari ini ada demo lagi di Bunderan HI.
Mengatasnamakan "Solidaritas untuk Palestina".
Ga tahu yang ikut dari ormas mana aja, tapi keliatan ada anak2 masih dengan seragam SMAnya yang ikutan. Ada juga ibu-ibu yang membawa anak2 balitanya ikutan.
Yang keliatan dari mejaku sini cuman sekumpulan orang dengan dominan warna putih2.. dan aneka bendera dan baliho..

Katanya mau ngumpulin sampai 1 juta orang...
sekarang sih udah 1/4 bundaran HI.
masih ada beberapa kelompok yang baru bergabung..
termasuk abang2 jual makanan... hihi..
ada tukang bakso, sotomie, ketoprak, sate padang.. dan yang penting..
apapun makanannya minumnya Teh Botol S****O.. huahaha

no comment about this Palestin-Israel thing..

one thing for sure... stop violence!!!

::Whole Package::

2009-01-23T08:54:00.002+07:00

"I'll take you whoever and whatever you are.."

that was the words that we always said when we're in love.
blinded everything and assumed that when issue come, it will be solve easily. That we can take it bcoz love conquer all...

Is it??

Feeling peevish is a common thing.
Especially when you don't know what to do about it.

"manis-lucu-imut-menggemaskan" come in one package with "ngeselin-ngambekan-gak jelas maunya apa"

and I have to deal with it...

::The Silencer::

2009-01-21T11:15:00.003+07:00

I am a silencer...

I can speak no word for hours
most talkactive person can stress when left alone with me
who wouldn't?

when you need friends to cheer up your day, to escape from your routine,
i just need to be ALONE...

Pencipta dan Pecinta keheningan..
that's what I am

I'm just wondering
if there's someone out there who can stand this silence..

because in this silent I know
that I am hurting someone

::Penyiksaan::

2009-01-21T09:07:00.001+07:00

Pagi ini ada sekelompok orang
pake jas ujan warna kuning
berdiri berderet di bundaran HI
masing-masing pegang kertas dengan huruf
membentuk kata "STOP PENYIKSAAN"

??
well, siapa yang gak setuju dengan itu?
gak usah dibilangin jg orang sudah tahu
atau emang orang-orang sudah sedemikian 'dull'nya
sampai harus dibikin tulisan kayak gitu ya??

maybe,

karena aku juga sedang di'siksa'

maybe,

aku juga sedang 'menyiksa'

::The Beginning of an End::

2008-12-30T12:58:00.004+07:00

2008 udah ampir abis... tinggal 1 hari lagi.

pfiuuuhhh

in the beginning of this year, I wrote that this year would be start everything from scratch.
and indeed..

everything is start from a scratch. bahkan sampai nungging2 mengais beras.. haha
Mencoba untuk menjalankan usaha sendiri, bergabung dengan G&I, mengalami kerugian disana-sini, menghabiskan beberapa kilo otot hasil tempaan di gym, menghabiskan malam2 sendiri di depan komputer... wueleh bener-bener merangkak dari nol.

Pertengahan tahun mulai ada pencerahan. Setelah mendapat kesempatan untuk kerja kantoran lagi, dengan pemasukan yang sedikit lebih pasti, mulai deh jam biologis teratur lagi.
Begitu juga dengan 'love life'. Setelah ada satu makhluk yang katanya 'manies, lucu dan menggemaskan' itu masuk dalam hidupku. Rasanya dunia mulai berputar normal lagi.
Tapi gak berapa lama, mulai deh kehidupan jungkir balik lagi, nungging2 lagi. Kali ini dalam artian yang sebenarnya. Lower Back injury. Luka lama yang kambuh lagi...
Sempet gak ngantor berhari-hari. Sering bolong-bolong dalam seminggu. Jadi sering marah-marah gak jelas kalo lagi jalan. Jadi berasa gak mampu menjalankan tugas dan fungsi sebagai manusia, sebagai pacar, sebagai teman, sebagai karyawan, sebagai anak, sebagai pelayan Tuhan. dooooohhh... mello bener.

Akhirnya udah sampe akhir tahun. Dan sakit ini masih nempel aja. Belum bosen rupanya dia. tapi yah, what the hell... ntar juga pergi. Sana-sana... jauh jauh..

Anyway, 2008 ini bener-bener sangat-sangat berwarna...
Hihih.. banyak lah bersyukur buat pengajaranNya
dan aku tetap merasa Dia sayangi..

::I Believe in You::

2008-11-28T09:39:00.005+07:00

I Believe in You (Je Crois En Toi)
Il Divo feat. Celine Dion

Lonely
The path you have chosen
A restless road
No turning back
One day you
Will find your light again
Don't you know
Don't let go
Be strong

Follow you heart
Let you love lead through the darkness
Back to a place you once knew
I believe, I believe, I believe
In you

Follow your dreams
Be yourself, an angel of kindness
There's nothing that you can not do
I believe, I believe, I believe
In you.

Tout seul
Tu t'en iras tout seul
Coeur ouvert
A L'univers
Poursuis ta quete
Sans regarder derriere
N'attends pas
Que le jour
Se leve

Suis ton etoile
Va jusqu'ou ton reve t'emporte
Un jour tu le toucheras
Si tu crois si tu crois si tu crois
En toi
Suis la lumiere
N'eteins pas la flamme que tu portes
Au fonds de toi souviens-toi
Que je crois que je crois que je crois
Que je crois
En toi

Someday I'll find you
Someday you'll find me too
And when I hold you close
I'll know that is true

Follow your heart
Let you love lead through the darkness
Back to a place you once knew
I believe, I believe, I believe in you

Follow your dreams
Be yourself, an angel of kindness
There's nothing that you can not do
I believe, I believe, I believe
In you.

Download Here !!

::hahaha::

2008-11-12T13:07:00.003+07:00

Right now maybe I'm just want to laugh at my self...
like I always do
with a bitter laugh this time
don't know what to do

this pain that I've been feeling is really took my patience
it's f**kng to loongg...
I'm just too tired to hear other's 'sympathy' that for my ear is like judging me for not doing nothing about this pain.
They're just suggesting here and there... while I'm still holding to what that I feel works for me. Even I don't know if I can hold this treatment any longer.
I'm loosing my hope again.

and here i am..
back to You again, Lord.
the One that I left behind...
I'm already turn my back on You
even in this darkest time in my life... even when my heart keep telling me that You're the only Light... n still here I am, complaining, mumbling, regreting, feeling shame, afraid...

Show me way back in to your arms again...
ignore all of my pain
and being one with you
My One and only...

**I know You there... smile ...

::Any Other Fools:

2008-11-12T13:00:00.004+07:00

Any Other Fools
Patti Austin & Sadao Watanabe

I couldn't see paradise right before my eyes
And when I had you here by my side
I didn't know that no one else could ever take your place
But now I know
I know that I should have stayed
And seeing you tonight
I only wonder why
I ever said goodbye

Any other fool would never walk away
Even a fool would still be there holding you
Any other fool would know I never should have let you go
I had it all as any fool could see
Any other fool but me

Any one else never would have let the feeling die
Any one else would have fought to keep it alive
If they were in my shoes
They'd know the love we had was love too good to lose

Any other fool would never walk away
Even a fool would still be there holding you
Any other fool would know I never should have let you go
I had it all when you were loving me
I had it all as any fool could see
Any other fool but me

I had it all when you were loving me (had all the love I ever need)
I had it all as any fool could see (any other fool but me)

Any other fool would never walk away (any other fool)
Even a fool would still be there holding you
Any other fool would know I never should have let you go
I had it all as any fool could see
Any other fool but me

Any other fool but me

Even a fool would still be there holding you
Any other fool would know I never should have let you go
I had it all as any fool could see
Any other fool but me

Download Here!!

::One::

2008-11-12T12:09:00.002+07:00

One
Original Soundtrack RF Online

When, I saw you for the first time
I knew you were the one.
You didn't say a word to me.
But love, was in the air.

Then you held my hand
Pulled me into your world
From then on my life
Has changed for me

Now I'll never feel lonely again
Coz you are in my life...

Love...
How can I explain to you
The way I feel inside when I think of you..
I thank you for everything that you showed me.
Don't you ever forget that I love you.

Love, I know that someday real soon
You'll be right next to me.
Holding me so tight.
So I will always be yours.
Although we can't be together now.
Remember I am here for you.

And I know you're there for me.
Whenever I want to be with you
I just close my eyes and pretend you're near
I see you, I touch you, I feel you, like real

Nothing can ever change what I feel inside.

How long must I be far away from you?
I don't know dear, but I know we are One...

Download Here!!

::Bukan Lagu Cinta::

2008-11-07T12:17:00.005+07:00

Bukan Lagu Cinta
Marcell feat. Karen Pooroe

Jika Ada Cara Baru Tuk Mengungkap Rasa Rindu
Aku Ingin Tahu...Aku Ingin Tahu
Jika Ada Cara Yang Belum Di Cipta Untuk Cinta
Aku Ingin Bisa...Aku Ingin Bisa

Saat Semua Kata Kehilangan Makna
Saat Segala Upaya Terasa Hampa
Sekaranglah Itu Beginilah Aku
Berdiam Tanpa Daya Hanya Karena Kehadiranmu
Sementara Jiwaku Ingin Berseru
Setengah Mati Ingin Ku Bilang

Jika Ada Nada Baru Tuk Nyanyikan Aku Cinta
Aku Kan Bernyanyi...Aku Kan Bernyanyi
Jika Ada Kata Yang Belum Di Cipta Oleh Pujangga
Aku Kan Bersuara...Aku Kan Bersuara

Saat Semua Resah Meluluh Sayapnya
Saat Yang Kumiliki Hanya Nafas Ini
Sekarang Lah Itu Beginilah Aku
Hanya Detak Jantungku Yang Mampu Jujur Kepadamu
Sementara Lidahku Beku Dan Keluh
Setengah Mati Ku Ingin Menghilang

Ooo...Ooo...

Jika Mampu Ku Bawa Engkau Menembus Ruang Dan Waktu
Ku Ingin Pergi...Percuma Disini
Jika Mampu Ku Menyatu Dalam Darahmu
Agar Engkau Tahu...Agar Engkau Tahu

Saat Semua Kata Kehilangan Makna
Saat Segala Upaya Terasa Hampa
Sekaranglah Itu Beginilah Aku
Berdiam Tanpa Daya Hanya Karena Kehadiranmu
Sementara Lidahku Beku Dan Kelu
Setengah Mati Ingin Menghilang

Apa Yang Kurasakan
Apa Yang Kau Dengarkan
Bukan Lagu Cinta
Bukan Lagu Cinta

Apa Yang Kurasakan
Apa Yang Kau Dengarkan
Bukan Lagu Cinta
Bukan Lagu Cinta

Semua Lagu Cinta

Bukan Lagu Cinta

Download Here !!

::Wish On My Star::

2008-11-07T12:06:00.005+07:00

Wish On My Star
Jeff Shimabukuro feat. Jennifer Perry

I wouldn't change a thing about you
I wouldn't ask the green to be blue
I wouldn't ask the birds not to fly,
or change a thing in the sky, or turn hello to good-bye...

I wouldn't ask the birds not to sing
I wouldn't ask the phone not to ring
I just couldn't ask the wind not to blow,
or a boat not to row, or a trees all to go sorrow...

You are amazing just as you are
You are a flower in the spring,
and you lay in morning breeze
And I adore you, just the way you are.
You are not the star that I wish on
You are the wish on my star...

Download Here!!

::I Do Cherish You::

2008-11-07T11:34:00.004+07:00

I Do Cherish You
98 Degrees

All I am, all I'll be
Everything in this world
All that I'll ever need
Is in your eyes
Shining at me
When you smile I can feel
All my passion unfolding
Your hand brushes mine
And a thousand sensations
Seduce me 'cause I

Chorus
I do cherish you
For the rest of my life
You don't have to think twice
I will love you still
From the depths of my soul
It's beyond my control
I've waited so long to say this to you
If you're asking do I love you this much
I do

In my world, before you
I lived outside my emotions
Didn't know where I was going
'Till that day I found you
How you opened my life
To a new paradise
In a world torn by change
Still with all my heart
'Till my dying day

Chorus

Download Here!!

::I Say A Little Prayer::

2008-11-07T11:24:00.002+07:00

I Say A Little Prayer
Aretha Franklin

The moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little prayer for you
While combing my hair, now,
And wondering what dress to wear, now,
I say a little prayer for you

Forever, forever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, forever, we never will part
Oh, how I'll love you
Together, together, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only be heartbreak for me.

I run for the bus, dear,
While riding I think of us, dear,
I say a little prayer for you.
At work I just take time
And all through my coffee break-time,
I say a little prayer for you.

Forever, forever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, forever we never will part
Oh, how I'll love you
Together, together, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only be heartbreak for me.

My darling believe me,
For me there is no one
But you.

Download Here!!

::Free MP3::

2008-11-07T08:50:00.003+07:00

Just upload some MP3 files..
Feel free to download - will continue update...

Mama - Il Divo

[Verse 1]
Mama thank you for who I am
Thank you for all the
things I'm not
Forgive me for the words unsaid
For the times
I forgot

[Verse 2]
Mama remember all my life
You showed me love,You sacrificed
Think of those young and early days
How I've changed
along the way

[Bridge]
And I know you believed
And I know you had dreams
And I'm sorry it took all
this time to see
That I am where I am
because of your truth
and I miss you, I miss you

[Verse 3]
Mama forgive the times you cried
Forgive me for not making right
All of the storms I may have caused
And I've been wrong
Dry your eyes.. dry your eyes

[Bridge]

[Verse 4]
Mama I hope this makes you smile
I hope you're happy with my life
At peace with every choice I made
How I've changed
Along the way... along the way
And I know you believed
in all of my dreams
And I owe it all to you, Mama

Download Here!!

::many things to catch up::

2008-10-14T17:33:00.003+07:00

it's been a while... since i share story here.. hehe
a decade propably..

many things happened.
well, where should i start?

ehmm..
oh yah.. waktu itu aku sedang terpuruk...
terus kuputuskan untuk menggunakan waktu-waktu yg 'terkelam' itu untuk lebih melayani Tuhan.
Aku memutuskan untuk mengikuti 'coaching' sebagai Team Youth Choice. Banyak hal-hal baru yang mengaduk-aduk memori masa kecil, kepahitan dan topeng-topeng...
hmm masih banyak lost memory yg perlu digali..

I've got a girlfriend.
namanya Anaz..
anak Choice jg..
kami baru mulai deket berawal dari chat2 via YM, berlanjut dgn acara2 bareng Choice-PP. akhirnya jadian deh... haha

Skrg aku sakit..
sakit pinggang sampai nungging..
belum tau penyebabnya apa.. tp yang pasti karena ada saraf kejepit
udah habis duit lumayan banyak..
jadi berasa bahwa setiap rejeki yang dikasih Tuhan kok yah cepet juga keluarnya..
apa emang aku kurang beramal selama ini??
(perlu perenungan).

hmm.. itu dulu deh..

::Smoker::

2008-05-25T17:57:00.003+07:00

I hate smoker...

That's why now I smoke..

pfiuuuhhhh

I know it's not the answer of anything..
I know it can't blow my pain away..
I know ... just know..

::Janji Pada Dunia::

2008-05-24T16:21:00.002+07:00

Ketika ku buta, ku melihat satu cahaya dari surga
Ketika ku tuli, ku mendengar satu untaian kata-kata
Ketika ku tertutup, ku mendapat satu kunci tuk membuka
Ketika ku kesepian, ku mendapat kesejukkan dari dunia

Katakan padaku bahwa dunia tidaklah sempit untuk semua
Katakan padaku bahwa kita adalah satu tanpa beda
Katakan padaku bahwa kita dibutuhkan oleh dunia
Katakan padaku bahwa kita tak tergantikan

Kuberi pengabdian pada dunia selamanya tanpa balas
Kuberi perasaan pada makhluk tanpa memilih
Kuberi yang terbaik pada anugerah yang diberikan oleh Tuhan
Kuberi keyakinan pada kehidupan sampai kapan pun

Kuberi sumpah ku pada dunia suatu janji dalam hati
Katakan padaku bahwa kita saling cinta...

::Found this lyric in my Asia Works' old files... bring back the memories. Good time..

::History Repeat::

2008-05-24T01:36:00.002+07:00

Why there's something happened twice in your life?? same situation, same feeling, same bitter.

God, help me..
Don't let me fall off your way.
Keep me in your light forever.
Give me strength to carry on.

Just feeling so stupid.. dumb..
but I know there's always a beatiful plan above all this.

arghh..
I know someday I am just gonna laugh about all this..
If I can say something like this to my friend.. I should can say it to myself.

::Kebangkitan dan Keterpurukan::

2008-05-02T01:19:00.003+07:00

Hari ini adalah hari diangkatnya Yesus ke Surga dengan segala kemulian-Nya.

Hari ini adalah hari jatuhnya diriku ke lubang-lubang yang sudah kulihat dan pernah kusumpahi untuk tidak masuk lagi.
Haruskah kusalahkan lagi sisi manusia-ku? sisi duniawi-ku?
seperti yang biasa aku lakukan?

and the story repeat itself
dan sekarang aku sudah didalam lubang itu lagi. menyesali kenapa melangkah masuk dalam lubang yang sama. melihat kembali setiap janji yang pernah terucap. melihat kembali setiap rencana yang pernah terpikir untuk menghindari jalur ini. dan melihat kembali betapa mulusnya aku masuk dan terjun bebas dalam lubang ini.

I'm just miss the old days..
When I felt Your presence..
Felt You hugged me so tighlty..
maybe now You still do..
and I just can't feel it.
Lead me back to You..
**I want to be at that retreat.. give me Your way..

::numb::

2008-05-02T01:10:00.000+07:00

i am just sooo f**kn' weak ....

.:shadow:.

2008-04-24T00:27:00.007+07:00

silent. self being person. little bit clumsy.
simple appearance. tall. skinny. dark.
simple. very simple.
nothing much to say or see.
people look and then forget...
they underestimated.
they don't care.
they don't bother.

He just a shadow.
he is a shadow.
love being a shadow.
under everyone else.
playing safe.

every shadow exist
with light on the other side.
every light make shadows
shadows make the life realistic

deep down this blurry grey heart
there's a tiny little sparkling dream
about everything in vice versa.
what if.. what if.. and what if...
what if the shadow become the light?
what would it be with the light?
is it become the shadow?

that's why I love Clark Kent.. playing shadow under everyone else.
and carrying the light under.

what if I have that kind of light..
can I still be the shadow?
and now I'm already a shadow
why would I want to be the light?

maybe my part is just being a shadow...
that make other become more real
make other to feel their light.
and I will find another shadow
that see me as their light.

::2008::

2008-01-30T11:54:00.000+07:00

2008 is all about starting from a scratch..
but I'll be more optimist this year, and let's see what I can accomplish this year.

2007 is a colorfull year. Many many moments, activity, friends, memories.. it's fun
And this year will be extraordinary...

Yiiihaaaaa

.:JiFFest-02:.

2007-12-14T13:30:00.002+07:00

My Second review for JiFFest...
Yesterday went to see Singapore GaGa, but it's already full.. so i decided to watch "Hula Girls"
I thought this movie will be a drama about women.. haha
And yes it is... but it's quite good.. haha
A true story about a coal-mining town, which decided to change the factory into Hawaiian Theme Park. A dancer was invited to make a troupe of Hawaiian dancers.
It's a comedy-drama.. funny and sentimental.. (yes there's a dust in my eyes... hihi)
And I fall in love with a song in this movie.
I found out that the title is Wish on My Star by Jake Shimabukuro feat. Jennifer Perri.
Here's the lyric...

Wish on My Star
I wouldn't change a thing about you
I wouldn't ask the green to be blue
I wouldn't ask the birds not to fly,
or change a thing in the sky, or turn hello to good-bye...

I wouldn't ask the birds not to sing
I wouldn't ask the phone not to ring
I just couldn't ask the wind not to blow,
or a boat not to row, or a trees all to go sorrow...

You are amazing just as you are
You are a flower in the spring,
and you lay in morning breeze
And I adore you, just the way you are.
You are not the star that I wish on
You are the wish on my star...

Who could that be???

.:JiFFest-01:.

2007-12-10T00:35:00.001+07:00

Finally bisa nonton JiFFest lagi... setelah yg taon lalu gak bisa pergi karena masih tinggal di 'pinggiran' hoho....
Taun ini bakalan puas banget nontonnya.. apalagi yg gretongan..

Hari ini nonton 2 film yg kebetulan (eh disengaja dink) di Blitz..
::Flower in the Pocket:: (Malay)
Film Malaysia tentang 2 anak yang lucu.. and jorok abis.. hehe. Ini film kaco juga, but it's give another angle from child perspective. About how they in school, after school, at home... and the end of the story is the need to love and be loved by their single parent, their daddy.

::Vitus:: (Switzerland)
Highly recommended !!! A boy genius in music.. and everything.
I like some talks in this movie..
This conversation happen in the class, with Vitus infront
Vitus: So.. a teacher must be smarter than her pupils?
Teacher: Well.. yes they are..
Vitus: So.. you must be know who's invented steam machine?
Teacher: Off course I do.. It's James Watt who invented steam machine.
Vitus: Then.. why not his teacher invented steam machine??
And teacher just couldn't answer that question... and some other teacher in other class..

Really love this movie.. and the little actor is cute and very talented.. I don't know if he's really a genius. The way he's playing piano is awesome..

Next Movie............ The Blossoming of Maximo Oliveros - 10th Dec

.:Dream:.

2007-12-06T15:21:00.002+07:00

Kamu harus mempunyai mimpi.

Bila kamu kehilangan mimpi-mimpimu, kamu mati.

Ada banyak sekali orang yang berjalan di sekitar kita yang mati
namun mereka tak menyadarinya.

.:Just Play:.

2007-12-06T15:16:00.001+07:00

Kita tidak pernah berhenti bermain karena kita tua.
Kita menjadi tua karena berhenti bermain.

.:BookReview: The Present:.

2007-12-03T10:14:00.001+07:00

Buku ini bagus juga untuk 'penyegaran'.
Bagus juga.... bukunya tipis aja, bisa kelar 2 jam-an.
Tapi isinya cool.

It's about the Present for our life that makes you happy and successful at work and life.
You already know what the present is.
You already know where to find it
and you already know how it can make you happy and succesful.
You knew it best when you were younger
You have simply forgotten.

The Present is not the Past and it is not The Future.
The Present is The Present Moment!
The Present is Now !

Even in the most difficult situations,
When you focus on what is Right in the present moment,
it makes you happier,
And gives you the needed Energy & Confidence
to deal with what is wrong.

Being in the Present mean stuning out distractions
and paying attention to what is important, Now.

You create your own Present by what you give your attention to.
It is hard to let go of The Past
if you have not learned from the past

As soon as you learn and let go
you improve the present
Anytime you are unhappy in the Present or feeling unsuccessful,
it is time to learn from The Past or Plan for The Future.

Look at what happened in the Past
Learn something valuable from it.
Use what you learn to improve the Present

You cannot change The Past but you can learn from it.
When the same situation arises,
you can do things differently and enjoy a more successful Present.

No one can predict or control The Future
However, the more you plan for what you want to see happen,
the less anxious you are in the Present,
and the more the Future is known to you.
How you respond depends upon your purpose

When you want to be happy and more successful
it is time to be in the Present moment.

When you want the Present to be better than the Past
it is time to learn from The Past.

When you want The Future to better than The Present
it is time to Plan for The Future.

(found it in my old Blog)

.:Reject:.

2007-12-03T10:08:00.001+07:00

I've seen some people rejected me....
people that I love
that I care of
that I need...

now I've seen that I'm rejecting some people
people that love me
that care for me
that need me...
Is this somekind of 'karma' ?
or just some lesson about life...

when you can't get everything that you want,
because God's know what you really need...
and sometimes everything that we get is not everything we want.

sigh....
It's hurt being rejected by the one that we love...

(Found it in my old blog. 23 September 2005)

.:Wonder of Christmas:.

2007-12-02T08:47:00.000+07:00

When there seems to be no hope... Love changes all...

Be there.. I'll be part of it

.:Lack:.

2007-11-24T11:42:00.001+07:00

Manusia selalu mencari pembenaran akan dirinya sendiri. (seperti saat ini, gw mengatasnamakan 'manusia'.. hehe)
After that 'ligtning from the past' I felt so so down. Dan karena ingin mencari pembenaran maka gw mencari kuping yg mau ndengerin gw, yang pada intinya adalah mau mengiyakan bahwa gw emang kasian. What a pity.. shame on me!

Selama ini gw jg pikir bahwa gw belum bisa ngelupain dia karena gw belum maafin dia. Ternyata bukan hanya itu. Tapi juga sebagai bentuk penyesalan yang berkepanjangan. Penyesalan yg selama ini gw bahkan ga tau mengapa gw nyesal. Dan syukurnya 'kuping' yang dengerin gw sekarang ini ga cuma jadi kuping tapi ikutan nonjok dan nunjukin apa yang selama ini gw cari. Selama ini gw pikir yang bikin gw putus ama dia adalah karena kita tidak cocok, bukan jalan Tuhan, belum jodoh, etc.
Ternyata dan emang ini gw akui, adalah karena komitmen gw yang belum terbentuk nyata. Waktu itu gw komitmen buat jalan ama dia, but that's it.. that's all no moving forward. No real action. Buktinya sekarang dia udah merid. Coba kalo masih jalan ama gw, apa sekarang gw bisa ngajak dia merid? Ini tonjokan buat gw.

That's right. That's the fact! I have to realize that, accept it and make a change... if I don't want to be like this for the rest of my life... and of course I don't!

***after sharing with Anne (thanks girl)***

.:Friday Yg Gemana Gichu:.

2007-11-24T10:37:00.002+07:00

23.11.07

Menghabiskan hari Jumat yang tenang alias gak ada gawean.
Just finished the design for Silver Choice's Poster and browsed around for JiFFest. I'm planning to go since now I have much time. Especially for Free Screening. :-)

Around 18.31, LC call asked for some help to design the Logo for her canteen. After chitchat for a while and there's where the lightning from the past strike again. She told me that my ex already married. whoaaa....
pain, regret, jealous, etc it's all coming back. At that moment I just want to share with someone.. and found out that there's no one online.
At that moment I just want to sing "So Not Over U"-Simply Red.. and funny thing is I can't find it in my Playlist...OMG.
God just don't want me to get mellow and suddenly the phone rang..
"Mau tiket ke JakJazz ga? Free!" No more second thought, I just say "Definitely!"

At 20.13 arrived at O Channel to picked up the ticket (thanx to Lia & Mr. Denny) and rushed to Istora Senayan.
JakJazz 2007 held in indoor & outdoor Istora Senayan Jakarta.
First ,I went to Big Stage 2 and watched Danny & Marlayne Connection from Netherland. Took some picture of them.. (actually my reason go to this festival is to shoot the performance.. hehe)
2nd, went to Super Premium Stage and watched Shionoya Shatoru. They're good.. excellent.. really enjoyed.
3rd, while have some dinner, watch the Elfa's Big Band & Voices at Big Stage 1.
4th, while waiting for Maliq to perform, I catched the Curtis King Band at Garden Stage. His band is awesome, great vocal and performance. It's jazz rock n' roll.. US style.
5th, finally watched Maliq n D'essentials live! Picture here !
sure they have the talent... watching Live is always have a great experience.

Got back around 00.30, checked the pictures from camera. and... there you go the torturing night is begun..
can't sleep at all...

.:Wheels & Licence:.

2007-10-30T14:59:00.001+07:00

The Wheels
Finally, I sold my car.. the black "buluq" Hyundai Accent 2001. Many memories with blacky.. romantic, sadness, anger, confused, silly, stupidity. 5 years exactly that car had accompanied me. too bad i don't have the picture of this car.

and now I have to let it go.. move on with my life.. with my new ride.. hehe

I'm a Biker now.

Licence
yesterday I made my first Tangerang motor's licence. And I had to realized (again) that this country will be hard to stand among other country. Indonesia will never be clean. Corruption is already a culture here.
The fee to make the motor licence officially is 75k ++ (health n eye check up).. well approximately 105k.
But if we going to make this kind of way.. maybe it took a whole day to wait at Polres, if you lucky enough to pass the exam. If not, you have to back the other week to begin the same process.

But,
if you want to get the licence instant (probably about 2,5 hours) well, you have to prepare the extra cash.. 300k.
And everything is just a formality. You just fill in the document. Fill the test page that already stamped PASS in the bottom.

And.. sadly, I can't stand to be a better person than these officer.

Pray for this country.. for a better Indonesia

.:F**K up (again!?):.

2007-10-15T22:42:00.002+07:00

just one word.. STUPID!!!!

haaaahhhhh......................

I want to get out of here, of my misery, of my darkness ....
I know i made this all by myself

I know there's a light that can guide me through this,
but i guess I'm still enjoy this 'shadow'..

.:wake UP!:.

2007-10-10T22:40:00.001+07:00

kepala pusing...
bad habit: telat maem - masuk angin

woke up in the morning and face the reality..
running out of cash

makes me think, can i survive this month? next month?
am i make the right decision?
walah...

kelimpungan apply kerjaan lagi.. hahaha
what a life.

.: BeginninG :.

2007-10-08T18:51:00.001+07:00

I'm beginning to write
in my blank moment and mind

maybe I can grow through this